You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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