Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
