just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
