If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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