The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
