how can u be prego again
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
