: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
