I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
