She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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