girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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