did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
