You smell like a Billy Joel song
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
