My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
