did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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