You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
