I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
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My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
MIDGETS
????
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize