Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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