my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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