Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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