he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
