do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
