im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
