Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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