this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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