I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
