I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
