There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
