WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
