I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My feet surprised me
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