She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
