we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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