Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
