JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
