I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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