Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
