Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
