there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
