Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
