I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
