He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
