I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
