did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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