Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
