is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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