You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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