after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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