Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
