her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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