I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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