The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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