If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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