You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
