Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love having hate sex.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
