Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
