I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
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i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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