this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
