woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
