She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize