you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As shirtless as possible
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
