final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
