No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
