My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
