it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
