I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
