So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My feet surprised me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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