PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
