the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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