fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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