That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
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