im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
