Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
