my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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