does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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