you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
