Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
