i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
