just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
