her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
