Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
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I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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